let's go back, back to the beginning.

i'm an english major. i'm supposed to be all about reading and writing and yet it is august and i have yet to finish reading a single book. single is the key word there. i have started many, just haven't finished them. after a semester of reading nietzsche, derrida, and zizek i guess my mind has neeeded a little break.

i used to blog all the time. my emo little rants on livejournal or xanga. i guess not that much has changed. i like being emo. deep down i secretly love it, minus the whole cutting, self loathing part. i quit all that in high school. it's all about the look, thinking i'm different when really i buy all my clothes at retail chains and my lip piercings are nothing original. whatever. i guess that's just me, another face in the crowd of this sad, pathetic world. okay that was overly pessimistic.

i only have a year-ish left of school. then what? be someone's bitch at a publishing company? become a teacher and be under paid and over worked? i've worked enough god damn retail jobs to want a little extra cash and i'd be willing to work for it! i'll admit it. i'm shallow. but i still care. i want money. i want nice clothes. i want to cover my body in tattoos from the most brilliant tattoo artist i can find. i want to pay $100 for a hair cut and damn it i want bigger boobs. but i know that's not me. the guilt would start to set it. so, i guess i'll have to settle for being someone's bitch or overworked and write my legendary, soon to be best selling book on the side.

okay that's enough for now.

rachel.r