Friday, August 7, 2009

city lights like rain

let's face it. i have nothing better to do with my time right now. i could find something, but i am lazy. at least i'm being honest with myself. good. it's a rainy, gloomy day anyway. my favorite. nature's excuse to sit inside and let your demeanor match the weather.

but much thanks to the rain, all i've done is dwell on unnecessary worries. like my job. i need a new job period. don't get me wrong, i like mine. as far as retail goes, it's great. but it's not me. i have put on this facade of being a people person but i am not. i'm shy, socially anxious, and awkward. i guess i've just had enough practice to trick even myself. hell, i wouldn't mind a job where i got to sit in a little cubicle all day and type away, slowly working my way towards a case of carpal tunnel. if i don't already have it from years of late night aim sessions and insessent texting affairs.

all humor aside. i joke about my laziness, my flaws, whatever but i know they are eating me up inside. i need to make some major changes. i'm hoping the new apartment is a step in the right direction but who knows. stubborness runs deep in my family tree, along with a number of other undesirable character traits. i know i'm worth it. i need to translate my words into action.

that's all for now.

rachel.r

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